sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
