No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
