after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
