So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
