i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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