I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
two words...techno handjob
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
