Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The feeling are messing with the penis
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
