you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
