the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
