white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
