Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
