she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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