...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
