party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
