my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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