I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
