If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
