Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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