So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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