I hate your face
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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