last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
