Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
