Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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