filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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