the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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