They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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