Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
