I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
