I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
