smell my finger.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dick very happy bro
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
