Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
