I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
