i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
