Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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