he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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