I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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