i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
