My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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