had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
