boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
