I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
