He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
