her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
