Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
