What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
