so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
