The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
