Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
