you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
