also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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