hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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