Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
