it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
